


snow, courage and joy

by rantarous



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-09
Updated: 2017-10-09
Packaged: 2019-01-15 07:05:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12316167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rantarous/pseuds/rantarous
Summary: Amami feels remorse and regret from a certain incident that happened a long time ago.Kaede tired of watching from the sides, decides to speak.





	snow, courage and joy

Another message comes through and Amami decides to ignore it like he never received anything — like he never feels his fingers shake between the device.

And if someone asks him to describe this particular season in one word, then the most befitting word he believes is; debilitating. Amami at this point, is both physically and emotionally drained.

He grips the phone in his hand, turning a blind eye to the ticks of red light indicating him he yet again receives another message and ambles to the old tree situated in the back corner of the school building. That's the only place he ever comes to if he needs to replenish himself with some comforting familiarity of solitude.

Amami takes a seat on the frozen barren ground, and a hand grips the scarf around his neck, his teeth rattles beneath his mouth and trembles beneath the cold.

He tries to pass time by letting his fingers brush alongside the floor, and his fingertips catch on plants stubbornly sprouting through the snow, glinting under the hopeless sun constantly trying to peek through among clouds. He retracts his bare hand shortly, back to the comfort safety of their gloves with a trembling sigh, the numbness prickling at his skin like needles.

During the winter, he often finds himself relishing on the foliage that are lightly coated in snow, glistening with a sheen of ice. He watches it to busy himself on something that would help keep him distracted— irked by the unbidden presence of his neglected thoughts nestled deep down his chest and slowly making its way up at an alarming rate. It nudges him at the brim of his throat, almost retching into the open.

Just anything to keep himself distrait from thinking of his parents. Anything to divert him from the consistent buzzes his phone keeps ejecting after each messages comes in.

It's plain and simple really; he doesn't want to open it because he knows what's awaiting him anyway. He does not because if he does then that simply shows he acknowledges they don't care about him.

And the fact Kaede wouldn't be done for the next twenty minutes at most, it's an arduous task for him to find some kind of distraction by himself, and it really is when the birds aren't there to sing mellifluously from the trees in winter. Probably roosting in the tree cavities and letting the season run its course.

Another message comes through in that moment and cuts through his trail of thoughts like a blade.

He finally looks at the lit up screen and has his vision focus on the blink of red lights and swipes his finger across the message notification. His breath nearly knocks out of his lungs. It's not like he hadn't expected it.

He did.

  


[15:15] **Mum:**

Rantarou, why aren't you picking up your phone? I can't reach you. We really, really need to talk...

**  
******

[15:22] **Mum:**

Um... well, alright, if you're going to be like this then might as well say it right now via messages. I am sorry darling, me and Dad won't be able to return home until the end of January. We are busy, you know? So we've no choice but celebrate New Years here in Osaka. Making it all the way back home is near impossible, so please understand our situation sweetheart.

**  
******

[15:23] **Mum:**

And on another note, you get to spend it with your friends this year as well. So win-win.

**  
******

His eyes skim over the messages a second time and his heart slowly sinks to the very core of his stomach. To be frank, he's having more of a hard time fathoming out why he allowed his expectations to rise. He knew this was bound to happen, especially when it's something that involves his parents. He knew right off the bat the second they announced they'd be back home by Saturday morning and he woke up to an empty house. Vacant, lonely, void of any sound other than his; just like any other morning. This is the turn his life took a year ago after his parents accepted the job— after what had _happened_. That's something he grew accustomed to, used to it that it became the norm and yet...

 _'They don't understand. A win-win situation? Seriously...'_ he bitterly thinks and his knuckles tightens around the edge of his phone, turning ghostly white. His vision gets narrower to the point the corners turn dimly, abstracting his vision and only sees a portion of light. Very much like the end of a tunnel.

After his fingers hopelessly hover above the keys for a couple of seconds, he settles on locking the screen and shoves it inside his back pocket. He doesn't need to reply back. He doesn't see the point in it when they made it clear he—they wouldn't want to see him face-to-face until January.

March perhaps? After all, something similar had happened before. Not only once but a dozen times. 

It's just an excuse so they don't get to see his face so soon. They're simply delaying the time and Amami would be lying through his teeth if he says he's completely okay with that.

His vision subconsciously gets blurry-wet at the thought and Amami freezes when he feels his cheeks damp with tears. He quickly collects himself to wipe it away with the back of his hand and stuffs his face further in the comfort of his scarf.

“This is normal.” He reminds himself for the second time, rubbing his gloves together and blows into them to expel of some of the cold and peers his neck when he returns back to the front of the school building, settling on the bench in wait. He hopes Kaede finishes soon. He's beginning to run late for work.

Luckily enough, he doesn't wait longer than five minutes. The heavens must have heard his silent prayer just then because Kaede falls into his range of vision and Amami sees her beaming when she exits the school building. 

She steps down the front steps in a haste and scurries over to lend Amami a hand, the soft scowl on her face not going unnoticed. He reluctantly grabs it and she pulls him up on his feet, with him surprisingly blinking down at her.

“You've finished early.” He states confusedly, continuing to rub his gloves together. “Did something happen?” He curiously adds.

She nods and looks over her shoulder to see Gonta following from behind. His steps are unnaturally slower, but that is explained when he realises he's gazing at the ground in search of something. “Gonta-kun was generous enough to help me after he was done cleaning up the corridor.” Her smile flattens further, frowning. “If it wasn't for him though, I would've had no idea you were sitting outside in the cold for thirty minutes. You should've waited inside with me. You know, you can catch a cold because of this.”

He shrugs. “I wanted to sit outside to think.” He mumbles and turns his head to face Gonta before Kaede can find the chance to ask him anything further. Kaede's observant enough that he could not afford to have her up his heels already, especially when he hasn't arranged his cluster of thoughts himself just yet.

And logically, he has no obligations to explain to her why he opted in staying outdoors.

“Amami-kun, good afternoon!” Gonta smiles warmly when he joins, stuffing his enormous hands inside his pockets. He merely receives a nod of acknowledgement from Amami to which only springs a rise of the brow from Kaede in its wake. “Hey.”

Amami senses her opening her lips from his peripheral, looking skeptical but Gonta pats her shoulder to grab her attention.

“Gonta-kun?”

He then points towards the aforementioned bushes, allowing his finger to speak in his stead. And maybe his eyes, too, sparkling and widening in surprise. Now curious and attention successfully captured, Amami swivels on his foot and follows the direction his finger is pointing toward. Confused, he moves one foot to the side for an ideal vantage point and still nothing. The bushes are intact and nothing seems to have altered in the slightest around its vicinity either, nor anything of worth catches his attention. He is about to say there's nothing until the bushes suddenly jerk and he nearly jumps out of his skin.

“Is that a—”

Gonta's sparkle and firey flare behind his eyes gradually grows faint until it completely fades, and Kaede somehow wears a replica of Gonta's mien.

That's when Amami sees a cat— a kitten to be more precise, crawling from under the bush and crunching closely to the floor. He notices the way the kitten struggles and faces difficulties and obstacles to move, conveying it through meowing and hissing loudly. In a relatively slow pace, the kitten brings a paw forward but immediately flinches back to wrestle a torn off branch that enables it to freely come out the shrub and into the blinding daylight.

Amami, at this point positive it's injured, quickly pays a look over his shoulder to ensure both his classmates aren't intending come near the kitten like he is; otherwise it would scurry away from where it had come from and well, he doesn't want that.

That set aside, he works himself to take slow and cautious steps onward. His footsteps are as light as a feather against the frozen concrete, and he smoothly crosses from the concrete ice onto the frozen grass.

“Don't scare it off and don’t get yourself hurt.” Gonta warns.

“Gonta-kun, I know. I'll try.” He says and presumes his attentive steps. He tries his best to simultaneously subdue the crunching sound produced by the snow as he walks.

"Do you have a home? You don't need to worry, alright? I am not here to hurt you." He softly says in a hushed soothing voice. Loud enough to be heard by the kitten but low enough Kaede and Gonta have no idea as to what he's saying, only seeing the outline of lips forming words. The kitten blinks up at him and to his surprise, does not attempt to run away so Amami reluctantly bends down —with his heartbeat rocketing through his eardrums, fingertips perspiring— to brush a hand against the stuck paw.

The kitten flinches upon the sensation of contact; like it's foreign to the feeling of human touch. Amami _almost_ retracts his hand to his side but plumps on slowly squatting down and cautiously tears the branch off and gathers it into his arms when he's sure the kitten wouldn't bite. _He hopes._

Gonta is the first to approach Amami. “We need to return it immediately to its owner. They must be worried sick!”

Amami doesn't reply, at least not then because his mind is fuzzy — abundant amount of questions flying and bolting across with such speed it renders him unable.

He searches for signs that could indicate the kitten could either be a stray or a feral and for a starting point, it gives the impression of being undernourished— No, it definitely does, and Amami tries to regard it from a higher viewpoint to further examine, only to detect a vastly narrow waist. That's all he needed to see to answer one of his main concerns. However, that seems to freak the kitten and she hisses, scratching her long nails across Amami's exposed hand as a form of protecting herself.

He groans but doesn't let go. _Should've known better, kittens unfamiliar with their surroundings tend to find it threatening when not seeing above grounds. This cat might be a feral, after all._ He chews on his bottom lip in thought, ridiculously unbothered by the red swell materialising between his thumb and his index.

“Amami-kun?! Do you need help?” Kaede asks, her voice ripping through his thoughts but he vigorously shakes his head and a vague smile displays itself.

“No, I can handle this. Just make sure to not come here until I say so. She's scared as it is.”

Kaede nods, as unsatisfied as she may be, she listens and remains still.

After he's done and gets to check what he thinks is important, he finally speaks up, “I really don't think she has a current owner... but I can't be too sure.”

Gonta twitches his lips and Kaede steps forward, hunching down beside him. She slowly inspects the kitten. “Ah— She doesn't have a collar on her neck either.”

“Yeah... I am thinking the kitten's feral and never had a home.” He says, recording the way the kitten couldn't manage to stare at him straight on —like a stray cat can achieve without a problem— and the way her tail hangs low as a form of protection, ears slicked back.

Gonta furrows his brows. He's bothered. “Gonta is still worried, we can try and find the owner, right?”

“Of course, we'll try.” Amami agrees, hesitant to pick her up, considering they way she's been acting after he picked her up. “I could be wrong, but she's acting a little less protective and aggressive than a normal feral. I'll have to call the local veterinary clinics and other pet stores to see if anyone is missing a kitten. We'll put up some fliers if needed, too.”

“Can you guys look after her until I get back?”

Kaede is startled, and yet somewhat relieved. “Are you going somewhere?”

He hums, ignoring the way her face eases up and makes his hand become his next choice of attention. He grimaces when he's met by the developing wound. “The pet store isn't far from here so I'll quickly go grab a cage, several blankets and food to trap her. We need to take it to the vet since cats without homes mostly tend to be infested by fleas and ticks, and well, also check for any present diseases and her leg, too.”

Concern flees and Gonta seems to be interested, his eyes twinkling in wonder. “Amazing Amami-kun! You seem to know so much about this.”

He laughs. “Yeah, that's what it does when you work at your aunt's pet store for years.”

A clear of the throat causes their heads to turn toward the source of sound, and Kaede has her arms crossed over her chest. Her lips twitches in concern, eyeing the kitten as it meows. “Quickly Amami-kun. The kitten is in pain and she might try to escape.”

He nods and leaves. The jog to the pet store only burns three minutes of his time, a bonus because it's located somewhere near the school. He wastes no time in fiddling through the cupboards to search for the food he initially brought for their other cat Yoko and pulls out several blankets to place inside the cage; to give it somewhat of a more comfortable aura and another blanket to cover the top for it to look like a safe hiding place, with the goods inside.

Before he rushes out the shop and the cold wind nip at his skin, he remembers to doctor and coat his wound with antibacterial ointment and bandages it with care. Even if Amami believes the scratch isn't much of a threat, he still goes through the extra effort of making a mental note to get it checked. Partially because Kaede wouldn't approve if he is to leave it like that and thus, meaning; saving his ears from suffering from her tongue-lashes.

“Tarou, where did you find her?”His aunt asks once the kitten receives her vaccinations.

The local vet they attend is also owned by Amami's aunt and is right beside the pet store for the sole purpose of convenience.

He grimaces at the nickname, as always. Even if she uses it on him ever since his childhood days there's just no getting used to.

“In the bushes outside our school. Gonta-kun pointed it out.” He answers and shrugs off his jacket, feeling the heat get to him. “I looked at all the signs you said I must look into if I were to find a lost cat.”

She regards him proudly, her lips pulling from both ends. “Yes, and you did great. You guys, too.” She nods at Kaede and Gonta before turning her attention to the kitten, ears still slicked back in trepidation with her back raised. “The vaccinations are done and fortunately enough, her leg isn't broken, but it's definitely hurt and will need extra attending, but other than that, it will naturally heal in time. Ah— and looking into her behaviour, it appears that she's weary of human contact, which is well, completely normal but luckily there's not too much of that. I'm presuming she must have come across people in the past, making her a semi-feral or it could simply be that she's still little and unaware of danger.” She explains, throwing the injections into the rubbish bag and washes her hands over the sink.

Gonta steps forward, bringing up and voicing the topic Amami and Kaede themselves are still worried about. “And the owner...”

She laughs, and nonchalantly shakes her head. “Don't worry, you guys accomplished enough so you should leave the rest to me. I'll take a couple of pictures and hunt down to see if she does have an owner. For the time being, it's only fair that one of us look after her, no? Perhaps Tarou fits the job perfectly.” His aunt claps her hands together with her customary grin.

“I think Amami-kun could look after her, he really knew what he was doing. We can trust him with her.” Kaede agrees and Amami can't help but notice how she isn't focused. He looks away when he realises his gaze trails on her for way longer than he intends for it to be.

”Gonta thinks he was great!”

”But um, Kurosaki-san I was meaning to say...”

She blinks up with a warm smile. The smile being one that would vanish soon, way too soon, that much he knows. “Yes Kaede dear?”

“Can you please take a look at Amami-kun's wound? The kitten scratched his hand when he tried to get near her and I'm worried it might cause him problems.” That's when the smile on his aunt's face instantly slides off. She looks at his hand quickly and frowns.

“Tarou, were you really planning on leaving it like that?” She asks under raised brows.

“I took care of it.” He informs, folding his arms. “I was going to... after the kitten got treated.”

“Take care of yourself first, love. You could have— you could have done it by yourself while I was preoccupied with her. You know what you need to do to treat a scratch wound, don't you?” Kurosaki sighs. "And you're also aware of the consequences that follows if you don't do it.” She turns in time to see Kaede walking toward the entrance of the vet clinic, tightly clenching onto her gloves. “Eh? You're leaving already Kaede dear? I was just about to go upstairs to treat you and Gonta-kun something to eat.”

Kaede shakes her head, and flashes a smile, making her gratitude known. “It's getting late and I need to go to the market.” She replies, pushing the door open with Gonta patiently waiting for her outside.

Amami looks over from where his aunt places the medication kit on the table and disregards it when he follows her gaze. He pushes his chair back quickly— quickly enough that the chair nearly tips over and clatters onto the floor. 

However, he doesn't care at that time.

“I could always—”

“It's okay, Gonta-kun will help! I will see you tomorrow in school. Take a lot of rest, alright?” She smiles and with that, she is out the door, without giving him the chance to say anything.

“Tarou-kun, is Kaede dear okay?” She asks when he silently takes his seat and opens up the kit.

“That's what I would like to know.” 

* * *

“Ahh, I feel like I can finally breathe.” 

“Gonta doesn't mean to come off as rude but how long have you kept this to yourself?”

“Oh— Um... A few years now actually.” 

“Then Gonta thinks that leaving was the best thing you could do for yourself.”

“I'll have to speak soon if he doesn't.”

“Gonta will cheer you on.” 

“Thank you, I appreciate it.”

* * *

In the end, not unanticipated in the slightest in Amami's regard, the kitten's proven not to have had a home before their encounter. After his aunt spent the rest of day dialling numbers and went through some final check-ups, Amami takes it upon himself to become responsible of her; to take good care of her and providing her with a good home.

The room Amami prepares for her is the biggest one placing second to his parent's. He doesn't want her to feel like she's short on breath. And luckily enough, he doesn't need to make a trip to the local stores to buy anything additional and conveniently finds all the essentials he requires inside the pet store. He grabs the litterbox, water and food bowls and some toys she could familiar herself with as she settles.

Additionally, he makes sure to thoroughly follow the advice of giving the kitten her own personal space for the next couple of days until she gets moderately adapted to her new environment. When he believes the time is most suitable, Amami scatters cardboards around the room with pierced holes to put herself out of sight if she finds fit and remembers to bring some of his unused clothes to sprawl just about anywhere in her room to have her familiarise with his scent. He unceremoniously throws some of his parent's garments, too,— after thinking long and hard about it. If he wants to absolutely avoid one thing, then it's to steer clear of having the kitten feel frightened by his parents once they had arrived.

He doesn't need to have his mother have throw a tantrum as soon as she crosses the entryway, well aware of her dissatisfaction towards keeping pets in her house, let alone in the process of taming one. 

  
  


He breathlessly drops his keys on the table once he enters his house and slips his shoes off, slowly making his way upstairs. His stomach churns at the quietness of the household, leaving a lonely stain somewhere in his heart. The only sound heard being his breath, his steps, the creaking of wood and— the distressed meows coming directly from the room.

Alarmed, Amami starts to take two steps at a time and quickly raps on the door before he peeks his head through to see her leaping from her arctic fox hooded cat bed to find refuge inside one of the cut-up cardboards. She wearily regards him through the rectangular hole but loosens up when she realises the intruder is only Amami. Her eyes soften and she softly blinks at him, but doesn't get out of the box.

“I am home,” he announces with a chuckle, gently shutting the door behind him. “I'm sorry, I must have scared you since I come home early but I had something to take care of. You know, I also got you something I thought you might like as an apology.” He says and enthusiastically delves his hand inside the plastic bag to pull out a colourful nightlight he by chance found at the store when he initially had gone out to buy her a book to read. 

He was meaning to buy her one for a quite while now actually, but never really had the chance to get round to it. 

The sun had set since a while back, the sky now painted in dark blue ink. The room isn't any more different than that, with the moonlight rays leaking through the windows so Amami does not bother to switch on the LED flush ceiling light. Besides the kitten isn't quite fond of the idea of being showered in intense light, however the nightlight appears like it would solve the problem. 

He plugs it inside the outlet and switches it on and the nightlight radiates vivid, soft bright colours and flamboyant combinations of the shades blue, red and yellow, washing all sides of the walls in velvety multi-colours.

He sees her slightly peek her head through the hole, meowing in wonder and amazement.

“You like it?” He stifles a laugh, a placid, warm feeling washing over him at the reaction it initiates out of her. He pulls out the book next and leisurely reads the words out loud after he comfortably settles down on the futon, clear to emphasise every syllable. His head is lowered as to not scare her, because gazes are still something that petrifies her. She slowly gets out of her hiding spot and curls up in a ball on her bed, purring as she listens to him.

"'—And that's how the story ends." He lifts his head after he slowly shuts the book and sets it aside on the floor. He chuckles, and finds the kitten comfortably curled up in a ball, sound asleep and the sight couldn't help but bring a smile to his face.

He scratches her ears softly, barely in contact. He would hate to wake her up after she dozed off after a long day of promenade.

For a moment, there's no sound and he parts his lips, deeply inhaling.

“Now that I think about it... I haven't given you a name yet.” He whispers and stares at the ceiling, deeply pondering about it more than necessary. “Mmm.” He muses and runs a finger along his lower lip and gives her a side glance before he settles on one. “Maybe I should call you Yukiko?” He suggests and another long silence follows.

“Yukiko suits you. Because I found you on a winter in the snow, and you're the only one who brings me comfort besides A—” He seals his lips shut, his lips in a thin line. “—That doesn't really matter.”

* * *

Slowly, Yukiko starts to show progress by adapting to Amami and her new home, willingly drawing closer whenever he enters the room to bring her some water or food. On certain occasions, she tugs on his leg when he turns on his heels to leave. He assumes that's Yukiko's way of asking for his attention and that makes him feel important and needed in a way.

Amami quickly shakes his head to disorient the image of his mind's eye of his parents, burying it somewhere deep in the back of his mind before crouching down on the floor when the tug of his trousers gets consistent.

He opens his arms and she runs straight into them with delight, causing a laugh to erupt from his lips in the early hours of the morning. Amami has no idea how long that had last happened. “Time to get to the pet store, let's go.”

He can try and enjoy the little things he has right now, instead of wasting his time sulking about the inevitable. 

* * *

Yukiko takes the chance to leap out of his hands when she figures there's no forthcoming petting from Amami and returns back to her preferred corner, padding over to make herself at home on the pillow until time's up. Amami sits on a stool chair meanwhile and pinches a small amount of flake food to feed the many neon tetra in the aquarium.

“They look so pretty!”

Amami nearly startles at the voice that rips through his head. Jarred from his train of his own thoughts, he turns his head. Kaede innocently stands behind him, observing the fishes with glittery eyes.

“Is it alright if I take from there and feed them?” She enthusiastically asks and he nods, passing the bag of food to her.

Kaede drags another stool chair beside him. “I really would love to take one home.”

Amami blinks at her, before he turns towards the fishes swimming around the aquarium; some happily, leisurely swimming where their hearts desires while others rush towards the surface to consume the food.

“I don't have enough money now, though. But when the time comes, I definitely will.” Kaede says with a smile and watches them with the same fire of enthusiasm dancing in her eyes.

Amami battles a smile of his own for a moment. He's glad he begged his aunt for this job.

“Say Amami-kun...”

He hums to show her he's listening.

“Are you well— um ... doing alright?”

The question catches him off guard but knowing Kaede, he knows exactly what she is talking about. It's a matter of time, really.

“What makes you say that?”

Kaede doesn't offer an answer and Amami decides it's safe enough to continue. He ignores the way his heart thumps against his ribcage and the way his palpation drums against his inner ears.

“I am just tired. I've gotten a lot busier these days, that's all.”

“I don't know... it's just that you've been acting strange lately.” She points, and she's clearly addressing him as she speaks but instead of looking him in the eye, she's looking at Yukiko, who returned from the pillow and is now rubbing her head against Amami's cheek in fondness. She doesn't look too happy with his answer; the feeble, still functioning part of his mind is at least able to comprehend this much.

However, that doesn't matter because she casually bulldozes through his lie. “Did your parents come back from their business trip?” 

“No. Not yet,” he answers. He's nervous but he does a fairly good job at concealing it in the pretense of busying himself with the fishes — to buy himself some time to come off as cool and reserved. Amami swallows back the thick knot forming in the centre of his throat.

And all too suddenly, he feels a sharp pang on his leg. Yukiko's paw claws through his trousers until it reaches the tip of his skin and pricks on his calf when he yet again loses himself in his cloud of thoughts. Once he successfully stops his nearly escaping groan by biting on his bottom lip, Yukiko gracefully climbs his body to appear by his shoulder and licks on her paw like she's paying no mind.

He ignores Yukiko. “I'm not quite sure when they are.”

“It's been two months already.” Kaede blankly reminds him.

“And it's really weird. I know.” He adds, gripping the other bottle of food in his hand. “But they're really busy, you know... it can't be helped. They might be back in two weeks, I think.”

“That's during New Year's...” She trails off, flickering her eyes quickly. He parts his lips to speak before she even finds the chance to say what he fears.

“They will make it.” He insists and vaguely sighs in relief when he sees her close her mouth. This time, he doesn't make eye contact with her, sensing her intense gaze form a hole in him. Kaede doesn't believe him— doesn't when she knows his parents well, considering they've been neighbours for as long as they could both remember. She knows of his parents' antics as well as he does, especially after the incident. But she's discreet about it. She knows but Amami never once dared to bring it up and in that case, neither does she.

“They said they would be back in a week. We both know the time is long gone Amami-kun.” Kaede says, clearly disappointed. "They missed your birthday in October because they said the exact same thing!”

“Then I can spend it with Yukiko.”

Kaede presses her lips in a thin line. “Amami-kun, I am worried and I really, really want to help you but you're not letting me.”

 _He knows._ And he should want to talk— he should want to empty out all his feelings before they build up inside him more and more, especially when the one offering help and an ear is the person he trusts the most. He should take this opportunity and the many chances that follow. But he feels the hurt build all over again, nudging him at the brim of his throat. Is he to speak, he's certain it will have the capability of breaking him into two and flood out and cause a mess like a windstorm. He wouldn't be able to put his emotions under control. He wouldn't know what to do then.

The only outlet for now is to avert his eyes and kindly reject the offer and find another coping mechanism.

Amami deeply inhales. “I know but I can't really talk about—”

“It's alright, I won't force you to.” She says and he can hear— definitely hear the hurt in her voice but he thinks it's better this way. “I hope they do come home... your parents.”

“Yeah...me too.” He answers, and dares to show a bitter-sweet smile.

* * *

The house is by no surprise utterly silent when he arrives, the sound of his footsteps heavy to his ears. He scuffs to himself, calling himself a fool for even having the slightest fragment of hope of finding his parents in the living room when he pokes his head through the doorframe. He knows they won't be here for another month at least, if not more. But he does it anyway.

He mumbles a silent _I am home_ to no one in particular and lethargically drags his feet up the stairs. Yukiko purrs and bumps her head against his neck and he looks at her. Yukiko does it a second time like the message doesn't get across. It's almost like she is telling him _I am here, too._

How can a cat possibly look this cute and adorable?

“You and me are a family, aren't we?“ He obligingly starches her ear, “I am grateful to have you here.“ Amami lowly rumbles a laugh when she tries to nestle deeper inside his jacket and pats her head gingerly in appreciation.

The first thing he does once he enters his room is fall face-first on his bed, deprived of energy and Yukiko leaps fast enough to elegantly land on his bed, gazing down at him expectantly.

He has better things to worry about, to be frank. He doesn't need his parents here to spend time together. For instance, he can spend it worrying about school, worrying about the animals he needs to care of in the pet store, taking care of Yukiko or— or, maybe muster enough courage to finally confess, even if he is somewhat inexperienced when it comes to it.

Amami turns his body around, this time with his back pressed against the mattress and grabs Yukiko, who's been head bumping him on the ribs this whole time, too immersed in his own pool of thoughts to take notice.

He scratches her head and Yukiko immediately shuts her eyes, purring in satisfaction when she finally earns what she wants.

He laughs, continuing to stroke her head ever so gently and moves to her ear flaps just to do the same. “There, there. I am sorry for not noticing you for a bit.” He says, “I just.. have a lot to think about but that doesn't excuse me to neglect you.”

As if she understands, she looks up at him, blinking.

“Welp... I might be thinking too much, don't you think?” He asks in a muted tone and she replies back by bumping her head against his neck causing him to laugh. Yukiko seems to like doing that a lot. “If I confess, do you think she will accept me? Or will she not and leave me.” 

He shivers when a wasp of wind comes slipping through the agape window and he hugs Yukiko a little tighter. She seems content about it and meows, rubbing her head against his chest. He hadn't expected Yukiko to become used to many things within such a short time. But, he isn't complaining. If anything, it makes him thrilled beyond words.

In the end, his thoughts turn into something very much resembling a blank sheet. And thankfully, his sleep for the night isn't postponed.

* * *

The air is suffocating, to her at least; hot and sweaty and the air heavy and reeking of sweat. Everyone is doing their best in what they're doing, so there's nothing remarkably new — however that day in particular feels far more than scorching, with her fingers feeling sticky due to sweat materialising on her palms. Kaede wipes it dry on her pants, only to have it reform within five minutes anyway. She gives up after the fifth wipe and let it be.

She speed walks to the end of the gym hall and slowly maneuvers around to capture all the volleyballs scattered on the floor to throw them inside the basket and makes her way back to the side-line to presume watching the team with their practice.

Amami has been conspicuously working to the bone for the past hour, spiking as many ball as he possibly could, and hard enough to have his palms turn into firey-red colour. He jumps and smacks the ball enough times to get his chest to burn until he's left to heave for a breath.

It's almost like he's entirely throwing himself into practise to focus without having enough room for anything else. Distracting himself from a specific thought that's only known to him.

“Saihara-kun, throw the ball a little higher!” Amami suggests between pants and grabs his water from the bench. He presses the cold bottle against his perspiring forehead. “That way, Momota-kun strikes it well and with much more impact.” 

Saihara nods, twirling the ball in hand and Kaito straightens up, his expression anything but determined. He awaits for Saihara's next pass, enthusiasm playing in his eyes.

“Alright, I am ready! Bring it!” 

Everything happens in a flash. Kaede nearly misses and doesn't get to capture the way the ball hits against the maple wood flooring. It hit with so much intensity the sound bounces and reverberates around the walls several times.

Kaito pumps his fist before he lifts it to high-five a satisfied Saihara. “Nice one!” 

“Can we take a break now, my beloved Amami-chan?” Ouma asks in a rather bored tone as he walks over to stand beside Kaito, inspecting his nails.

Kaito raises his brow, twitching. “Are you fucking serious? It’s not like you've done anything but watch the entire time in the corner. You're a libero — the backbone of our team— you should be practising and take it more seriously.” 

“Aww but that's _alllll_ I've been doing since yesterday, practising, practising and more practising. It gets boring.” He whines. 

Amami nervously smiles, with a comical sweat materialising on his face and raises his hands to capture their attention. “Guys, guys, it's nearly time, so we can call it an end for the day.” He says, draping a white towel around his shoulders. They all nod and on instinct rush for their bottle to hydrate themselves before they filter out of the room, chattering about their next match and what not. 

Amami remains behind, happily conversing with Gonta when he notices Kaede absentmindedly gazing at him from his peripheral and returns his attention back to the person he's addressing without much care. Kaede flinches when she realises she unwittingly got lost in her haze of thoughts and has been caught red-handed — staring at him with the initial intention of calculating before it alters into staring at him in awe in what he does. 

He drops his hand on Gonta's shoulder, muttering what appears to be a string of words of encouragement. His eyes flashes bright green as he lists some of his strong points, aware of Gonta's self esteem and that's when Kaede pales, realising that he's walking towards her.

_Wait wasn't he just talking to Gonta-kun? When did he—_

Amami looms over her, blocking out the light of the hall and rubs the white towel against his neck. He gives her a questioning look.

“Are you alright Akamatsu-san? You've been sitting here for about five minutes and um...” He hesitates, vaguely tilting his head to the side. “You haven't cleaned up the place.” Another curt pause follows and his eyebrows knits and wrinkles in thought before smoothing over. “Ah— by that I meant... you don’t need to bother yourself with it. I'm staying behind anyways, so I'll clean up after myself.” 

Kaede opens her mouth to say something, but he's right. Everyone had left ten minutes ago and the gym hall's still as messy as it was. She quickly stands up, sheepish and he silently laughs.

Truth be told, she would love to pack and go home. The day for her was exhausting after all, but she won't abandon him— _wouldn't_ until the sadness in his smile, the loneliness twinkling in his eyes disappears and vanishes, flowing away like the gust of wind. Kaede does notice something's been bothering him for a while now.

He thinks he's doing a great job in concealing it from everyone and truthfully, he is. Kaede would've likely missed it, but knowing him for years really does have its merits.

The second reason — to simply put it, she didn't find the chance to ask him the question that has been biting around her head all day.

“Extra practice?” Kaede asks and he merely nods his head, permitting his towel to drop and rest on his shoulder. He bends over to grab one of the balls and helps her around with picking the remaining.

Kaede bits her lower lip, scraping through her scalp to search for any reasonable question to stray their conversation from dying. She finally settles on, “how's Yukiko doing?” and flashes a faint pink once the words flood out of her lips. It's been less than twenty-four hours since she had last seen her. What kind of question was that?

But still, that didn't bother him as much as it did with her. His eyes lightens upon hearing the question and for a moment, Kaede doesn't regret asking.

He twirls the ball in his hand while Kaede dumps a ball in the basket, and the one fixed between her upper arm, forearm and waist follows. “Yukiko's getting better, she settled faster than I thought she would. It's a relief, honestly.” He answers and lifts his eyes to look at Kaede before he shoots another ball into the basket, too. “Could you help me with my practice?” He asks, quite randomly. “If you've time.” 

Surprised, Kaede blinks up at him. “Of course! But, you know I'm not that good when it comes to passing the ball. Like remember that one time I had to replace Saihara-kun?” 

Amami covers his lips to stifle his laughter, but regardless it still ends up flooding out in a series of soft chuckles. For a second, Kaede isn't quite sure if he endeavoured to suppress it because of the reminiscence of the aforementioned memory or if it's because the whole thing is simply amusing to him. Whether it's the former or the latter is anyone's guess. “You weren't that bad!” He reassures her quickly, and passes her the ball. Amami is quite good at aiming, so it easily falls into Kaede's hands. “You didn't aim high enough back then, and that's really not that much of a problem. Look, I can show you now if you want.” He offers.

“And your practice?”

“I can balance the two,” he pauses once he senses Kaede's sudden uncertainty and a smile flowers his feature. “Eh, worried about Yukiko?” 

Kaede startles, puzzled by the way he easily knows what crosses her mind. “Yeah... ” 

“She'll be fine.” He promises her. “She's staying with Kurosaki, she's in good hands so don't worry about it.”

He stands right behind her, and it's in that moment she feels a sudden rush of self-consciousness. She battles it off of her quickly however, and holds the ball above her head, pouring all focus into it like a lifeline.

But the focus shatters in a second's time, anyway.

After a moment of scrutinising, Amami moves and Kaede flinches when she feels his arm ghostly brush against her forearm. Fortunately for her, he doesn't take notice of the way her back slightly straightens up in that exact, precise moment. Her dermis decorates with goose bumps and her hands, sweaty.

“Your hands,“ he idly comments, oblivious of the way his touch holds such a strong power over her physical and mental reaction. Oblivious of the way a simple touch of his own awakens a warm, foreigned mellow feeling in her.

Much resembling the stars in the vast of the universe.

“Hold them above your head slightly forward.”

Nodding, she complies and does as he says. “Like this?—”

He shakes his head and steps forward until he's standing a millimetre behind her. “No, that's too forward.” He says with evident amusement and claps both of his hands around her wrists and gently pulls it back and then, above a little bit. “So like this.” She can almost imagine the lilt of his lips.

He asks her to repeat it another time by herself and swiftly steps away to position himself behind the net. He pins back his bangs with a bannette to keep them in place and gives his legs and arms a quick stretch before giving her the sign.

* * *

Watching him now and watching him when she's busy and rushing around, keeping an eye on everyone and helping around are two entire different things. Back then she's distracted but now she isn't. The way he lowly fists up his hand when he's satisfied with the way he strikes it, the way his teeth bits on his lip when he's calculating on where, when and how to perfectly strike the ball. She notices new things she hadn't before and it fascinates her — what fascinates her most however, is how his passion for volleyball strongly built over the years, with his eyes firing up each time someone mentions it.

She remembers the day he signed up for volleyball when they were in middle school. Back then his eyes were tired and dead and lacking emotion.

_“Kaede—chan, do you think I would be good at volleyball?” He asks one day, standing before the bulletin board. He stares at the pinned paper with mild interest, which requests for more members to sign up for the volleyball team because they’re low on members._

_“Huh, why? I thought you would love doing something like... I don't know like the study of nature and ani—”_

_Amami cuts her off. “Yeah but do you think I would be good at it?”_

_She frowns but that quickly fades. “Yeah, I guess? You would look so cool! Especially as a middle blocker.”_

_“Then I am signing up.” He says and pulls the pen out of his bag and writes down his name on the paper._

__

_“You didn't tell me why yet.”_

_He chuckles, the emptiness in his eyes disappearing. “Maybe I need to start something new. Something that has nothing to do with adventure or nature, you know? It's great to start new things.” He ruffles her hair with a cheeky grin and Kaede shrieks, peeling his hand off of her and as always, he would hunch over and bark into a fit of laughter. Then he grabs her hand to walk home together._

Back then she never really thought about it but now...

“A penny for your thoughts?” He casually asks.

Kaede starts. She amost forgets they are in the middle of practice and Amami looks over at her with curiosity and concern.

“... W—what?”

He shrugs and tries to keep his breathing controlled to not take breaks in-between his sentences. “You seem bothered. You can— well, talk to me if that's going to help you.”

So the time and opportunity has finally come.

Kaede inhales and permits some of the words welled up to bubble out. “It's about you.”

Now, it's Amami's turn to look bewildered and this time, he's directly looking at her.

“What..— Me?” It doesn't take him too long to figure out what's bothering her and his lips lethargically curl up and he lowers his gaze. For a brief moment, Kaede inevitably feels her heart throb and ache. Between the time they've been practising, she catches glimpses of his sadness slipping and sinking back into the unknown darkness. But the mention of his parents casts its shadow back and etches the long forgotten thought across his face; troubled and anxious and bothered. 

“They didn't come back,” he speaks, the outline of his jaw tightening. “And to be really honest with you, I don't know when they _really_ are. It kind of depends on them.” He briefly looks at her before he looks away and tilts his head up towads the darkening see-through ceiling before he allows his eyes to flutter shut and takes a shuddering breath.

“W—what do you mean by that?”

“They're not coming back until next year. Or so, they say.” His voice drips with something in his last sentence.

Hatred? Understanding? Annoyance? She doesn't know. But what she knows is that she wants it gone.

Amami opens his eyes to give her a side glance, and Kaede doesn't miss the glint of loneliness tinted in them. The one he makes sure to hide from the others. “But really, it's not that much of a problem, it's just a New Year. I can spend it with Kurosaki.”

“You could have but she won't be here either, is she?”

Alarm and surprise simultaneously flits behind his green eyes and before he even gets to ask how she knows; she quickly adds, "Kurosaki-san told me she will leave after tomorrow to join Akio-san in Yokohama, since he won't make it here due to his university work and job.” 

“ _Oh._ ” Amami says, at a lose of words and his expression is inscrutable. “Maybe we should go home now? It's getting late...” 

“No! Stop running away from your problems for once.”

“Kaede I—”

“You know, you can depend on someone sometimes. There's nothing wrong with that Amami-kun, It's normal. I am here, many people are here. It's okay to depend on us from time to time.” 

Kaede doesn't mean to have him reply to that just yet. It's something she wants him to reflect on so she adds almost instantly, “You and Yukiko— You two can go to the festival with me and my family.”

“Thanks for the offer but—”

Kaede frowns and tries to keep her bubbling frustration down to a level — however to no avail. “I know you're trying to not make me worried, but keeping all this — keeping everything to yourself, keeping the fact you're bothered about something to yourself and trying to solve everything by yourself will only make me worry more about you.” Kaede says, a hint of desperation lingering somewhere in her voice. Amami senses it as tiny as it may be she thinks, because his shoulders drops and his eyes soften a little.

He finally gives in and lets her on in all his feelings. In all the hurt, in all the self-doubt. He's hesitant, uncertain at first but he loosens up as more words flood out of his mouth, with more words bleeding with his real, unfeigned feelings. He mentions the way his parents ignore and neglect him to an extent. Keeping their distance from him ever since the incident — the incident where his sister went missing.

During that day, his family embarked on a small adventure as a form of present for him — after Amami ranked number one in his school by the end of the year. His parents believed he was deserving and decided they should set sail on a small boat since going on adventures was something he always adored from a young age.

His parents left to take care of something without an utterance of a word and Amami took this to his advantage to explore the entirety of the deck as much as time allowed him until his parents came back, because then, they wouldn't let him wander alone five feet ahead of them. His sister followed behind his steps and one could only guess the amount of agony and shock he felt when she suddenly disappeared from his side — out of the blue, out of thin air.

To their relief, she'd been found a day later, back in the deck by herself and curled up in a ball in the center of a dozen sailors. She rocked back and forth in a state of panic, muttering Amami's name and unaware of the couple of adults asking her if she was separated from her family.

He was the one who found her first. He couldn't cry in relief, he couldn't scream to ask if she was okay. He couldn't force a reaction out of himself even if he had wished to. He was paralysed from head to toe even if he asked his body to do something, to move, but it wouldn't cooperate.

But his sister was the one who did it. She was the one who screamed his name at the top of her lungs and pushed her way out of the sailors to jump on him, squeezing her arms around his waist with as much force as her frail arms could gather.

When they had arrived home, Kaede was standing by their house with her mother after receiving the news. Her mother kept tapping her foot against the floor until she saw them park their car in the driveway and she let go of Kaede's hand and run towards Amami's little sister, Midori and engulfed her into her arms.

Amami didn't look any better. He was expressionless and blank and inscrutable when he slipped out of the car. It frightened Kaede because understanding him was the easiest thing she could do and yet that time, she was unable to read him.

He avoided eye contact with her, his eyes covered by his bangs and brushed past her shoulder without a single word.

It was such a traumatic event that Amami still blames himself for it. His parents do, too. However he doesn't need to have them tell him directly. The stares he receives from them is enough of an answer.

“But aside that, they're busy. They just decide to add extra time.” He mumbles, now laying down on the floor of the gym hall. His breathing rhythm is back to normal after he put all his hidden feelings out into the open. Kaede is sitting crossed-legged beside him, occupying her fingers by twirling them around her undone shoelaces.

“It's okay, I guess. I understand why they don't want someone like me around them, after all I did... if only I was careful eno—”

“Amami-kun, it's alright. She's okay, she's happy with your grandfather in Osaka, remember?” Kaede mutters and places her hand on top of his. She gives it a little squeeze and runs her thumb around the surface of his hand. 

He surprisingly blinks when he feels her hand against his, and she can see him faintly smiling. “Thank you Akamatsu-san,” Amami says after recollecting himself enough to sit up. His hand doesn't detach from Kaede's and he gives it a little squeeze in return. 

He looks at the clock and nearly blanched at the time. “It's nearly seven. Then shall we go?”

Kaede nods in agreement and let go of his hand, scurrying on her feet with her face warming up due to their proximity being a _little_ too close for her own well-being after Amami sat up. The hurry only causes her to step on her undone lace however, and nearly trips in her haste. Amami drops the ball to wrap an arm around her in the time before her face greets the floor and pulls her against him to steady her stance.

“Akamatsu-san, your shoelace.”

And for a second, she thinks his cheeks vaguely changes from its normal tan complexion.

“That was close,” Kaede breathes.

“No worries,” he laughs.

  
  


Kaede halts when they're nearly out of the school gates.

During the time they've been cleaning up the gym hall in silence, she made up her mind to convince him to spend New Year's with her and her family.

Amami stops walking when he realises she isn't keeping up with him and looks back at her, blank.

“Amami-kun, I want to ask you something.” Kaede announces and Amami confusedly stares at her before a knowing look flashes across his face.

“Yes, sure.”

“What?”

Amami throws himself into another fit of laughter and Kaede merely blinks at him, sensing the back of her ears heat up despite lost. “I meant I'll accept your offer.”

“That's great! We'll have so much fun!” But then, Kaede quirks a brow. “Wait, you knew I was going to ask again?”

Amami shrugs and resumes walking once her steps fall in pace with his. “I just knew you would. And oh— haven't you brought your gloves?”

“I left them at home.” Kaede sheepishly replies and she can hear him silently laughing, the sound muffled by his scarf. He pulls out his and hands it to her. 

“Eh...?! I-I don't need it.” 

“Your hands are shaking.” He blatantly points out with a frown. “My hands are warm enough so don't worry about it.”

After she gazes at it with uncertainty, she finally gives in since Amami, at times, doesn't take a no as an answer. She pulls them on and before she knows it, Amami grabs her hand, slipping his fingers through hers. “Warmer?”

“Wait didn't you say—”

“Just for a little while, I promise... It's just that I enjoy holding your hand.” He admits and gives her hand a squeeze, his eyes remaining straight ahead on the street.

Right there and then, Kaede feels an extreme amount of warmth bubbling up from her stomach — it's a good type of warmth with stars bursting into different shades of vibrant colours and for the first time in a while, she's on cloud nine. When the time comes, she intends to make him happy and buoyant and beaming. To simply put it, someone as kind-hearted as Amami deserves nothing but happiness and joy. She unconsciously squeezes his hand and he startles, obviously not expecting it and blinks down at her.

“Is something the matter Akamatsu-san?” He asks and halts when he senses something amiss. She stops alongside him; the courage she mustered during practice slightly tetters.

“I was just thinking about...”

“About?” He trails. 

“If I can make you happy on New Year's?” She seems almost uncertain with her choice of words but that doesn't appear to be something Amami is paying any heed towards, because he firmly shakes his head.

“You shouldn't worry about something like that. You really don't— especially when it's you.” He says.

“Me?—”

Everything happens so quickly after that. The words comes out straightforward and so bluntly Kaede isn't quite sure if this is some kind of sick joke.

“Because I like you.”

Her face heats up and she opens her lips to say something, her brain struggling of processing the situation properly. And because of that, her next words come out incoherently. “You— Amami-kun— wait... y—you really—”

“I am serious.” He continues, “I have for a long time but I never really was courageous enough to say it.” He admits.

“Really?”

He furrows his brows. “Is it that you don't believe me?”

“No I... I do believe you. It's just that...” She is unable to speak and Amami laughs, amused by the way she conducts herself.

Kaede stops talking— can't when Amami's face is so near and bright.

Amami understands. He always does.

* * *

Kaede ceases to move as soon as his lips presses against her own. He's almost scared for a moment, but it immediately vanishes from his system once her purple eyes flutter close. She doesn't back away in horror or break it. Instead she leans in further if that indicates anything, so he brushes his hand against Kaede's jaw. His touch guiding her through the kiss.

The kiss, much to his dismay is short-lived. Amami was meaning to keep it short and brief to convey his feelings through it.

Kaede sighs and ducks her head, allowing it to drop and to rest it onto his shoulder. “Amami-kun, does that mean...?” She trails.

It takes him a moment to remember how to use his voice.

He deeply inhales. “Yeah... if you feel the same way, then I guess it is.”

She hums against his shoulder and nods. “That took you a while. To say, I mean.”

“In the end, I still did it, no?”

Kaede replies, joined by her soft peals of laughter. “You're not wrong.”

He doesn't see why he shouldn't so he leans down again to taste the laughter in her lips, a smile of his own slipping through the kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> This took a long time to finish and this also happens to be the longest oneshot I have written so it's a little bit overwhelming.
> 
> Anyway, I enjoyed writing this quite a lot and I really do hope you guys enjoy reading it.
> 
> Kudos/comments are really, really appreciated and I would love to hear your thoughts on it.~


End file.
